Seeing Through The Blood
by Charmed Lassie
Summary: Susie Osbourne has lost everyone and believes she's all alone. Will Monica, Tess and Andrew prove her wrong? COMPLETE!
1. Susie Osbourne

A/N: Alright, starting another newbie but I really wanted to do this one. Sorry the first chap is so short and doesn't feature our favourite angels, I just thought it'd be good to introduce dear old Susie first. Feedback appreciated.

Susie Osbourne hung her apron on the hook and walked out through the Roadside Café waving vaguely at a few regulars as she went.

As she got outside the bus sped past on its way to town and she inwardly cursed knowing that waiting to take that last order had caused her to be late. Still, there were a few hours of sunlight left and her favourite 'thinking' spot was nearby, she may as well make the most of it.

Of course, she mused as she walked, she could spend all night up here and no one would notice. There was no one to notice. Why was it that she'd ended up like this? The Hand of God? Yeah, right, if there was a God he'd look after her, stop her doing all these bad things, make her happy.

But, no. Everything had been taken away from her, all her family was gone in one way or another and she was an eighteen year-old waitress working in a crummy café. It wasn't the life she'd planned for herself.

What had she planned for herself? It was so long ago it was difficult to remember. She'd had the usual childhood-type dreams of being famous, being rich but kids didn't realise that none of that mattered, all that was important was being happy, being contented.

Most girls her age were still in school, doing the adolescent pointing and wolf-whistling thing but she'd had to grow up fast. She envied their innocence but, in a way, she was grateful she knew the harshness of life and wasn't living in some sort of fantasy land.

She wasn't blinkered, she knew she'd been the cause of many of her problems. She'd driven her father away after... well, after the thing and he'd taken Janey and Kev with him, the letters had dried up pretty quickly.

Maybe that was all the forwarding addresses, they'd got mislaid along the way. Or it could be that they stopped writing, maybe her father had stopped them, maybe they'd stopped themselves.

True, she hadn't been the best sister, going off the rails like she had but she'd needed their support not desertion.

And that day, when Janey had caught her in the act, Dad had gone so mad, how could she expose a young girl to something like that? Then he'd packed them up and left without a word, the house had seemed so deserted and she hadn't the will to go on.

So she'd dropped out of school and, when her small stash of money had run out and the house had been sold behind her back, she'd got this stupid job.

Of course she missed her family but the truth was they were better off without her. Janey would be running around a garden somewhere scraping her knees on bricks and Kev would be in his new bedroom putting together model trains or maybe he'd have moved onto ships or aeroplanes. He always was a smart kid.

Unlike her, eh? What kind of monster got their only comfort from ripping into themselves? It was too scary to think of the long-term, terrifying to imagine what her arms would look like by the end of it all. If there ever was an end to it all.

There would be an end sometime, even if it was the predictable ending.


	2. The newbies

A/N: This isn't gonna have many chaps left. I thought I could write it but it's becoming a bit difficult, it will have a proper ending though.

'Susie, you're late.' Nora King complained as she walked in a half hour late and nervously pulled her sleeve down over her hand ignoring the now-familiar shot of pain.

'Bus took its time.'

'It did yesterday apparently.' Nora pointed out.

Susie shrugged. 'It does it a lot.'

'I don't care,' Nora said. 'We've got two new bodies in the kitchen.'

'Oh, yeah?'

'Andrew's the new chef, Monica'll be helping you out in the kitchen.'

'Great.' Susie muttered as she walked into the kitchen, this Monica would probably be another silly tart who couldn't tell one end of a broom from the other.

'Hi,' a woman said sweetly. 'I'm Monica.'

A blonde guy stepped forward with a meat cleaver in his hand. 'And I'm Andrew.'

Well, they looked competent enough. 'Susie. Do you know what you're doing?'

'Oh, I think I can manage.' Monica answered.

'Then we'll get along fine.' Susie said quickly and moved over to get her apron. 'Better get out there and get some orders.'

'Okay,' Monica said. 'Are you feeling alright, you seem a bit distracted?'

Great, the newbie was a nosy so-and-so. 'Don't worry about it, Monica, I'm always like this.'

'Oh.' Monica pursed her lips.

Susie clapped her hands. 'Get to work, yeah?'

Mid-morning Susie noticed a suspicious-looking black woman poking around the toilet area. 'Hey! What do you think you're doing?'

The woman held out her hand. 'I'm Tess.'

'I wasn't asking your name.' Susie said ignoring the hand.

Tess cleared her throat and dropped her hand. 'Environmental Health Official.'

Oops. 'Oh! I'm sorry... we were...'

'The object of these visits, Miss...?'

'Osbourne, Susie.'

'Susie, we want to see a typical working day, no artificial fronts.'

Was it just her imagination or was that little statement directed more personally at her than the café? Her imagination, surely? After all, how could this woman know about the artificial front she kept up as standard?

'Susie?' Tess interrupted her thoughts. 'Are you alright? You seem a bit distracted.'

Whoa! Deja vu or what?! 'It was just that... Um, can I help you?'

'Maybe later,' Tess smiled. 'I'll need to interview all the staff at some point.'

'Er, why?'

'That's procedure, honey.' Tess said before she moved towards the kitchen. 'We have to check you're reliable.'

Huh, reliable! Well, she was in a way. She made sure none of the customers saw her scars, she was careful not to let blood drip into the soup, that was being reliable.

Reluctantly she followed Tess into the kitchen feeling she should be there to support Monica and Andrew. It didn't seem they needed support though, Monica was having a very animated conversation with the inspector about... different types of broom. Andrew was off to the side looking mightily amused.

'Ah, Susie,' Tess grabbed her opportunity. 'Could you find time to show me around the kitchen?'

No... she couldn't. She had to get out of there, these new people were too much, expecting too much. Without pausing she fled the kitchen via the back door, ending up in the side alley that ran all the way round.

Breathing deeply she pulled up her sleeve and quickly surveyed last nights damage. Not as bad as it could have been, should have been.

She was mad to even think of this in work time, especially when Environmental Health were in. She steadied herself then walked back in to find Tess standing stony-faced by the coats rack holding a black bag Susie recognised as her own.

'Hey!' she said leaping forward. ' I never said you could look in there.'

'It's part of procedure.' Tess answered. 'Care to explain what you're doing with a kitchen knife in your bag?'


	3. Falling from a mind

'The knife?' Susie thought fast. 'It's my own, for protection.'

'Protection?' Tess repeated.

'Yeah, just in case I get jumped.'

'It er... matches the description of one taken from the kitchens a few weeks ago,' Monica said hesitantly. 'I read it in the notes book.'

'Stealing from the kitchens is a very serious matter.' Tess said.

'That shouldn't concern Environmental Health.' Susie said quickly.

'No,' Tess agreed. 'But I do have to tell your employer.'

'She'll fire me!'

'Perhaps if you told me why you needed the knife,' Tess said calmly. 'I might be able to help.'

'I wasn't planning to kill anyone with it, if that's what you're saying.' Susie defended herself, possibly too quickly.

'I didn't say you were.' Tess answered.

'Screw this.' Susie hissed as she grabbed her bag and fled.

Maybe this time she wasn't being careful. No, there was no 'maybe' about it, she was carelessly cutting deeply, deeper than she ever had.

Now she was silently watching the droplets of blood trickle down her arm, slowly gathering in pace. It was strange though. There was an absence of pain, it was as if her body had just given in.

She had long wished for this moment when she didn't care whether she lived or died. And at that moment she felt totally free.

Then it all went black.

Susie forced her eyes open, where was she? Oh, that smell! She was in hospital.

'Susie, you're awake.'

'Monica?' she asked shakily trying to sit up. 'What are you doing here? I've only known you like five minutes.'

'I was the one who found you,' Monica answered softly. 'I guess now we know why you needed the knife.'

Susie groaned. 'I wasn't trying to kill myself, you know.'

'Oh, I know,' Monica assured her. 'You were just trying to blot out the pain.'

'Don't you start judging me!' Susie said sharply. 'I do what I have to do and I don't need you telling me it's wrong.'

'I didn't say that.' Monica protested.

'That's what you're thinking though.'

'I think there are better ways to deal with these emotions, Susie.' Monica replied evenly.

'Like what?' Susie snorted.

'Talk to someone.'

'Who?!' I haven't got anyone.'

'No family, friends even?'

Susie stifled her tears. 'Nobody.'

'You can talk to me.' Monica said gently.

'Look, no offence, Monica, but I hardly know you and anyway, you don't wanna get too close, I'm not worth it.'

Monica shook her head. 'You've been doing this for a long time.'

'How did you know that?' Susie asked.

'Your scars,' Monica answered. 'Some of them are old. How long have you been...?

'Slicing myself to bits?' Susie finished helpfully.

'I would have out it that plainly but yes.'

'About a year. Maybe longer.'

'And no one noticed?'

'There isn't anyone to notice.' Susie replied bitterly.

'This morning,' Monica said. 'Andrew and I noticed there was something wrong with you.'

Susie looked up in surprise. 'You did?'

'Of course. A girl your age should be happy, not so on edge that she screams at Environmental Health officers.'

'Oh, what did that Tess woman do? Did she tell Nora?'

'No, she was worried about you. It was Tess you persuaded me to go and find and I'm glad I did, the doctors say you lost a lot of blood.'

'You sound like you know Tess,' Susie observed. 'Have you met her before?'

'We've worked together before.' Monica answered vaguely.

'Oh.'

'Listen, Susie,' Monica said. 'There might be someone else you can talk to.'

'Oh yeah? Who?'

'You could pray to God.'

Susie laughed grimly. 'I don't believe in all that, it's rubbish.'

'No, it isn't,' Monica insisted. 'And I know, you see, I am an angel sent from God to help you, Susie.'


	4. God's truth

A/N: Again, sorry about this being so short, I was planning on doing a longer one but I think I covered it alright. Thanks for reading!

A bright light was shining down on Monica, a mystical light that couldn't be a human creation and, besides, they were in a dimly lit room. She had no choice but to believe.

'God sent you? To me?'

'Yes, he did,' Monica smiled. 'He sent you angels because he loves you, Susie, and he wants you to see all the good things in yourself, the ones that he sees.'

'How can I?' Susie spat. 'Don't you see that I've lost everyone? I drove everyone away!'

'You didn't drive your mother away.'

'Shut up,' Susie warned.

'She set you along this trail, Susie.'

'Shut up!'

'She died and that's what started off all this hate,' Monica said sharply. 'But you weren't to blame.'

'I should have been there,' Susie whimpered softly. 'Why did I just go off to school like nothing was different?'

'Because nothing was different! It was a tragic accident that no one could have foreseen.'

'No,' Susie said. 'I know deep inside of me that I did something wrong and... when I said goodbye that morning, I didn't mean it!'

Monica took her hand. 'It wasn't anything you did.'

'You don't know that!'

'But I do,' Andrew stepped into the room also bathed in this angelic light. 'I was with your mother when she died, Susie.'

'Andrew?' Susie whispered. 'You too?'

'Yeah,' he smiled. 'Susie, your mother dying was an accident, a tragic accident.'

She allowed a tear to slide down her cheek. 'I should have been there.'

'She wasn't alone,' Andrew assured her. 'I was with her the whole time.'

'I can't help feeling that... I let her down,' Susie explained tearfully. 'Why wasn't I more...'

'Susie,' Monica said patiently. 'You can't think any of what happened was your fault.'

'B..but Kev and Janey...' Susie stammered.

Andrew sighed. 'Are gone, Susie. There is no way you'll find them and God doesn't mean you to.'

'What do you mean?! I need them!'

'No, you need to believe that you can make this on your own,' he insisted calmly. 'You need to survive for yourself, no one else.'

'I haven't got any reason to survive.'

'When you were a child,' Monica said thoughtfully. 'Do you remember what your dreams were?'

'I think I.... I wanted to make something of myself.'

'Then do it!' Andrew said triumphantly. 'God has made you so you can do anything you want. All you need is faith.'

'Faith... So I need to trust things will work out?' Susie said slowly.

'If you do that,' Monica smiled. 'I can promise you things will work out.'

'Can I ask you something?' Susie said carefully.

'Of course,' Andrew exchanged a small glance with Monica.

'Why won't God let me find my family?'

'Because,' Andrew struggled. 'You started doing this because you couldn't cope with your grief, you thought the only the only way you could find peace was to mutilate yourself. That was wrong. You find peace in the Creator, the one who made you as you are. Finding your family would cause you pain and God, He doesn't want that.'

'What we're trying to say,' Monica said helpfully. 'Is to trust us and trust God.'

'He'll show you the way,' Andrew added.

'Are you sure?'

Monica laughed. 'We're angels, I think we know.'


End file.
